


When I'm Finally Me

by Iflyinmydreams (orphan_account)



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Canon Trans Character, Discussion of Abortion, Falling In Love, Family Feels, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Secrets, True Love, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:21:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23128483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Iflyinmydreams
Summary: L wasn't born a man, but he desperately wants to be one. He knows in his heart he *is* a man. Watari has forbidden L from taking hormones or having any surgery until he is older in hopes that L will change his mind. Will falling in love with Light, who loves and accepts him just as he is, help him change his mind and accept himself? Or will Light's love and support encourage him to stand up to Watari and make the changes he's always wanted? Will unexpected trials in their relationship cause problems Light and L cannot surmount?Read it and find out!
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Comments: 14
Kudos: 16





	1. I'm Not Who I Say I Am

**Author's Note:**

> I have been wanting to do a transgender story for a long time now. My hope is that it comes across as respectful. I'm thoroughly in love with this story, and I hope you love it as well!

The barista smiled at her well dressed, dark haired regular as he approached the counter. “Six large regular coffees, one large black coffee extra cream and sugar?”

Matsuda laughed nervously at the pretty girl behind the counter. “Yup. You know my order!” He ran a hand through his hair as she rang him up and he paid. His face hurt from smiling and just like every morning, her could kick himself for being too much of a coward to ask her out.

Once he'd somehow managed to get through traffic and security without spilling a single drop off coffee, Matsuda happily handed out the hot beverages to his colleagues. “So, was today the day?” Aizawa asked hopefully.

“No, it wasn't,” Matsuda said as he deflated a bit.

“As long as I keep getting free coffee out of the deal, I don't mind if Matsuda never gets up his nerve.” L mumbled over his cup as he stared at his computer screen.

“Ryuzaki! That's rather rude!” Light chastised as he sat next to the detective. L simply shrugged and continued working.

The office quieted down and everyone got their morning shift started. It would be another long day in a sea of long days. The Kira case was the most difficult and high profile of their careers. Catching Kira would be the most important thing they ever did.

Around noon, Light’s stomach grumbled and he turned to L. “Lunch on the roof with me today?”

“Sure.” L found he genuinely enjoyed Light’s company and looked forward to seeing lunch with him on nice days such as this.

They made their way up with the bento boxes Watari had prepared for them both. Light sat cross legged in his 'spot’ while L folded his knees to his chest in his preferred sitting position. It was quiet as they dug in, and Light contemplated whether or not he had more nerve than Matsuda. After about the third bite of rice, he decided he did. “L, would you have any interest in going out with me? In being more than friends?”

Surprised, L let his chop sticks drop from his mouth as he looked over at Light. “I admit I find you attractive, Yagami. And you're a good prospect, being intelligent, good looking, and pursuing higher education. But I don't think it's a good idea.”

Light sunk in on himself despite the compliments. “Because we work together?”

“No, it's more personal than that.”

“Oh,” Light wanted to understand, to accept L's answer, but he couldn't. “Just one date. Please?”

L actually smiled. The kid didn't give up easily, did he? “What if you find things out about me that… make you think I'm not who I say I am?”

Light was confused. “Like what? Are you a secret mass murderer?”

“No, that's you.”

Light rolled his eyes as L laughed. “To answer your question, L, I honestly don't know you as well as I want. And I don't think I could find anything out about you that would change my mind or make me think poorly of you. You're pretty amazing, actually. You're the smartest person I ever met!”

L was flattered, and Light looked adorable as he gushed about how much he admired L. “Alright, you've convinced me. We can date,” L finally said.

“Yes!” Light was so excited that he fist pumped the air, causing L to burst into laughter.

They finished the food joyfully, making plans to see a movie after work. L had nothing against the team knowing they were going out, either. While it was none of their business, at the same time he didn't want to have to hide anything. Light couldn't have been happier as he grabbed L's hand and held it all the way back to the office.

When the team spotted their interlocked fingers, jaws dropped and conversations stopped. L cleared his throat. “Yes, Light and I are together. We would appreciate if everyone remained professional, please.”

There were a few muffled responses as everyone nodded and slowly got back to work. Perhaps they weren't expecting such a turn of events. Light struggled to focus the rest of the day. All he could think about was whether or not L would kiss him at the end of the night. If the way L held his hand beneath the computer desk was any indication, things were going to go well indeed.

Evening rolled around and Light promised to pick L up at 7pm. His father let him borrow the family car. Dating the world’s greatest detective was a big deal, and Souichiro was supportive of his son. He always had been. Souichiro was the first person Light told when he first came out, and it only brought them closer. 

“You look dashing,” Sachiko cooed as she fussed with his hair.

“Have fun tonight,” Souichiro said with a smile. His boy was growing up.

Sayu had been watching television, but she willingly missed half of her favorite show to see her older brother off. With a hug, she said, “Good luck! Tell me all about it tomorrow, okay?”

He laughed a bit and nodded, “I will.” Looking up at his family, “I had better go.”

Somehow, Light didn't feel nervous as he drove back to the obnoxiously large building in the middle of Tokyo. There was a sort of calm excitement that came over him as he drove. When he pulled up, L was already waiting outside for him. He'd exchanged his oversized white shirt for a black one with jeans. That must've been L's idea of dressing up. 

Ever the gentleman, Light got the door for his date and told him how great he looked as he drove them to the restaurant. L took his right hand and held it in both of his own in his lap. Light blushed, enjoying the way L's thumb seemed to absentmindedly stroke the back of his hand as they talked.

Through dinner, Light would learn that L was an orphan who was raised by Watari in a special school in England. L's life story was sad and fascinating. He started solving crime as a teenager, and helped Watari make wise investments in the stock market which returned his first million. The only impressive thing Light had were his grades, and that fell flat when he learned L had not one but three doctorates.

During the movie, L finished off several boxes of candy and the popcorn. Light wondered where he put it. Once the containers were empty, L set them on the floor and snuggled into Light's left arm. The rest of the movie was a blur to Light as he relished in the feeling of being snuggled against. Light didn't notice until the end of the movie that L had fallen asleep. He knew L was a chronic insomniac and smiled. Maybe it was a good thing he was asleep? He certainly needed the rest. Light gently rocked L's shoulder. “Hey, L, the movie is over.”

“Huh?”

“The movie is over, babe.”

L smiled and pressed his face into Light's arm. He wasn’t ready to get up just yet. With a stretch and a yawn and a little more prodding from Light, however, he was able to stand and groggily find his way out.

Light was right about getting that kiss at the end of the night. When he pulled up to HQ, L leaned across the seat and kissed him. It was magical, and Light reached for L, one hand covering the back of his head and the other on his side. Light’s hand slid up and he felt a mass where L's pectorals should be. It wasn’t firm, and maybe the size of his hand. 

L pulled back from the kiss, a horrified look on his face. Without another word he scrambled out of the car and took off running toward the building. Light got out of the car and chased after him, completely confused. Somehow, he caught up to L before his key card could let him inside. Light gently grabbed his arm. “I'm sorry L. Whatever I did to offend or scare you, I'm so sorry. Don't leave things like this.”

L gave up trying to get inside and instead turned to Light. “Maybe it’s better you know now. This way you can change your mind about me without breaking my heart.”

“L…” Light said it so softly as he let his hand fall to his side. “Whatever it is, I can handle it.”

“I…” L struggled, glancing around. Nobody was out at that late hour. “I wasn’t born a man, Light. I’m… transgender. Watari won't let me get surgery until I'm older in case I change my mind, but I'm not going to.”

_ So what I felt was his…breast?  _ Light was shocked. Everything was spinning and he felt he couldn't quite take it all in. The great L was actually a  _ woman?  _ He realized by the desperate look on L's face that he needed to say something. “I'll admit, L, that's a lot to take in. But I still want this. I still want _ you.  _ And if you'd let me, I’d like to walk this journey with you. I can imagine it gets lonely.”

Tears sprang to L's eyes and he quickly wiped then away, nodding. “I feel very isolated, Light.”

Light placed his hands gently on L's arms and pulled him in for a hug. “Not anymore, L. We're in this together, okay?”

L nodded into Light's chest as he wrapped his arms around him. How did he found such a perfect man? L never thought in a million years someone would accept him the way he was. The only one who had was Watari, and he was very controlling about it. Loving, cautious, wanting to make sure the right decision was made, but controlling nonetheless.

“I would like to try kissing you goodnight again if you'd have me,” Light said into ruffled dark hair.

L looked up and pulled out of the hug. With a tearful smile, he closed his eyes and indulged in one lingering, splendid kiss from the only man who knew him and wanted him anyway. It lasted an eternity and yet could never be long enough. Once their lips parted, Light smiled, “I'll see you in the morning. Have a good night.”

“You too,” L said as he watched Light walk away.  _ Stay with me. Please, stay the night with me. I'm so sick of being alone.  _ L sighed and went inside, lips still tingling, heart now full. For the second time in ages, he'd sleep soundly that night.

Not Light, however. “We kissed!” He announced excitedly as he walked through the door. His whole family had waited up for him.

Sayu beamed and ran up to Light with giddy excitement. “How was it? Was it amazing?”

“Yes, it was amazing,” he smiled as he ruffled her hair.

“Congrats on your first kiss,” Sachiko said with a teasing smile. “No babies though.”

“Well, he's a guy, so that won't happen anyway.”

Souichiro laughed, “Alright, off to bed you two.”

Both Light and Sayu shuffled up the stairs to their rooms. Light was too excited to sleep, however. Despite trying to close his eyes and be still, his giddy excitement won out. He had a boyfriend! Who kissed him! Light replayed both kisses in his mind over and over. Finally, about two hours before he needed to be up, Light fell asleep.


	2. Love and Muffins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The relationship grows

“Dad, can we stop by the bakery so I can pick up something for L?” Light asked over breakfast the next morning.

“Sure, son. We’ll have to leave fifteen minutes early though.”

“Sounds good!” Light cleared his plate and poured himself a third cup of coffee. He was tired but still excited. 

They stopped at a local bakery owned by one of their neighbors. Before she opened her store, she'd always gift then the most delicious treats every holiday. “Good morning Sam!” Light greeted with his sunny smile.

“ Light! I haven't seen you in a while. How's the family?” Sam asked. She was short with dark hair and a lot of sass.

“Great. I wanted to surprise my boyfriend this morning. He loves sweets,” Light explained as he looked over the delicious looking baked goods behind the glass.

“ _ Boyfriend?  _ Congrats, kid. If he likes bananas, my banana chocolate muffins are still warm from the oven.”  She suggested as she pointed to the sugar topped, over sized, fantastic looking muffins.

“I'll take two,” Light said. “Thank you, Sam.”

“No problem. Bring him around sometime, okay? I want to meet him.”

“I will.” Light buzzed on cloud nine as he made his way back to the car.

Once at the office, L seemingly didn't notice Light’s arrival.  His face was glued to the computer screen in front of him, so Light quietly walked up and placed the muffins in front of L to his left while Light stole a kiss to L's cheek on the right.  L jolted upright as Light backed away with a smile, loving the way L rubbed his cheek and said, “What's this?” As he reached for the box. “Muffins?”

“ Chocolate banana. Still warm.” Light said as he plopped down in the seat next to L, satisfied that he was indeed the best boyfriend in existence.

L opened the box carefully and breathed in their warm scent. “ Oh, they smell delicious. Thank you.”

Seeing L smile at him like that was all the thanks he needed.  That adorable face simply melted Light’s heart. It looked even more adorable with bits of chocolate and muffin smeared on it as L devoured the treats. “These have to be the best muffins I've ever had,” L said as he washed it down with his coffee.

“Our neighbor Sam owns the bakery.  Want to go there for lunch with me today?”

L's eyes lit up. Oh yes, yes he did. 

Matsuda came in and made his rounds, singing as he gave everyone their cups. “I take it you got up the nerve to ask her?” Light asked.

“I did! She said yes!”  Matsuda spun around as the team cheered.  “I honestly have Light to thank. He has the balls to ask the greatest detective  in the world out, so I figured I had to at least have the guts to ask out a barista.”

“Glad I could inspire you.”

Once things settled down in the office, the two lovebirds assumed their positions, holding hands beneath the desk as they worked. L surprised Light with a peck to his temple as he excused himself to use the restroom.  Light had wondered if L would be affectionate because he didn't seem to like physical contact of any kind. Maybe it was because Light knew  his secret that he felt more comfortable. Whatever it was, Light didn't want it to stop.

Watari allowed Light to drive the “company” car to he and L's lunch date. Apparently the old man was in support of this relationship. L had gushed that morning about how wonderful Light was and how well he'd handled learning L's secret. Watari had never seen L so happy. He hoped finding a love who accepted him as he was would help L accept himself, but only time would tell. 

Sam was so excited to meet _Ryuzaki_ that she offered him any pastry he wanted, on the house. Of course he had to try the gigantic, delicious looking cinnamon bun that was absolutely covered in icing. Light happily paid for their sandwiches and sodas, thanking Sam for the hospitality.

“Can we make this a regular thing?” L asked after practically inhaling his food.  _ Where did he put it? Seriously. _

“Sure! I'd love that.” Light was delighted L loved the bakery so much. Anything L wanted, Light would give to him. He was smitten.

***

The months ticked by slowly and Light found he was out of school for the Summer. This meant more time for him and L. At this point, Light _knew_ he was madly in love with the detective, and while L had been consistently affectionate and loving toward Light, he wondered if L really felt the same way. Light figured he'd find out soon enough because he planned on taking L for a romantic weekend getaway. It would be the first time they stayed overnight together, and Light _hoped_ they could take things to the next level. “I'm taking you to Yamanashi to go on a wine tasting adventure,” Light said as he pulled up the website for the hotel Risonare. He showed L the “wine school” they held everyday to teach guests about the local wines. There was a “make your own parfait” experience as well that L seemed particularly interested in.

“This sounds amazing! Oh look, we can ride horses too,” L said as he scrolled excitedly through the website.

Light wasn’t so sure about riding horses. They scared him a little, but L seemed set on the idea. What his L wanted, his L got. Light placed a gentle kiss to the top of L's head. “Make sure you pack tonight, because we leave first thing in the morning.”

“Okay,” L said with a big smile up at Light. He'd enjoy perusing the website for another hour or so, then he'd have  Watari help him pack for the trip. 

A few floors above the offices the men worked in is where L slept. He had a whole floor to himself that  Watari had professionally decorated. L didn't care much for that kind of thing but  Watari wanted the place to feel homey.  The old man gently folded clothes on L's bed and placed them in the suitcase.  Clearing his throat a bit, he said, “So, a whole weekend together, eh?  You've never taken this step before, L. I'm proud of you.”

“Thanks,” L said as he handed  Watari yet _ another  _ shirt he wanted to bring.

“ Do you need to pack protection? I can make a drug store run before you go, if need be.”

L hitched and flushed bright red.  _ Fuck me.  _ “I'm sure that's not necessary. Besides, Light and I haven't exactly _ talked  _ about taking the next step…”

“You're going to be alone with him for three days drinking wine in a romantic setting and you _ don't _ think you'll be having sex? L…”

L froze, panic stricken.  _ Oh God, what have I agreed to?  _ He wasn't ready for that. He  didn't want to see himself naked, much less allow someone else to.  He still looked completely female under all his baggie clothing, and Light was clearly  _ gay.  _ It would certainly turn him off to see L  with curves and boobs and a vagina.

“Breathe, L,”  Watari said, “ Talk to him on the ride over. Set your boundaries and clarify expectations. And don't do _ anything _ you don't want to do.  He respects you, I know he does. If you're not ready, he won't push.”

L let out the breath he'd been holding and blinked slowly. “Thank you,  Watari . I will talk to him.”


	3. Vacation Ups and Downs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys start out with a heart to heart, but drunk L wants a really good time. Will Light have the willpower to not take advantage of him during his altered state?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to update last week like a nimrod so here it is now! Enjoy!

The next morning, L was a bundle of nerves as he waited for Light to pick him up in the rental car. He'd had a breakfast of coffee and nothing else because he simply couldn't stomach it. The thought of having this necessary conversation with Light was terrifying, though it shouldn't have been. Light was always easy to talk to. Always understanding and patient. But what if this was his breaking point? What if he just couldn't take  anymore of L's crap?

L drew in a sharp breath and grabbed his suitcase as the silver car pulled up to the curb. Light jumped out of the drivers seat and popped the trunk, taking L's suitcase from him with a swift kiss and good morning.  L climbed into the sedan and hid his trembling hands between his knees.

When Light got back in the driver's seat he knew something was wrong because L didn't immediately reach for his hand. Instead, he was drawn in on himself and quieter than normal. “L? Are you alright? Do you not want to go?”

“I do! I do.  I'm just nervous.”

“Don't be, baby. This is supposed to be fun and relaxing.”  Light reached for L's hand and he gave it. “You're shaking. Baby,  what's wrong?”

L took a deep breath and reminded himself that everything would be alright. “ We've never spent the night together, and I'm nervous. And worried.  I think that sex is kind of expected on trips like this, but I don't know if I'm ready for that.”

Light couldn't lie to himself and say he wasn't a bit disappointed that this would turn out to be a sex free weekend. L was worth waiting for, however, and they'd still have fun.  “I'm so sorry if I put that expectation on you, L. I hate that I made you this anxious. Please, baby, don't be. We don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with.  I would love to just be able to snuggle with you and maybe touch your butt.”

L burst into laughter, his fears relieved. He squeezed Light’s hand. “You can touch my butt.” L suddenly felt rather hungry and requested they stop for breakfast on the way, to which Light gladly obliged. The drive was just a little over an hour and a half . That was enough time to chat and enjoy the ride without getting tired.

“ Can I ask you something about being transgender?” Light asked as he drove.

“Sure, anything,” L replied.  He trusted Light with this information and was glad Light wanted to know him better.

“When did you know you weren't a girl?”

“Always,” L replied. “I remember being at Wammy's as a kid, hanging out with the boys, just feeling like one of them, you know? I refused to use the girls bathroom and wound up wetting myself during class one day. Poor Watari didn't know what the heck to do with me. I saw a therapist who told Watari I was confused about gender, but I really wasn’t. I was too smart for that and he knew it.”

“Was he supportive?”

“Yes and no. At first he thought it was a phase. Sometimes it is with kids, you know.  But it wasn't for me. He tried for a while to get me to wear dresses and skirts and pink, glittery things but I refused.  Wound up setting it all on fire in the garden one day to prove a point. I was ten. He let me dress the way I wanted after that. As a teenager he started referring to me by my preferred pronoun.  He never rejected me, he just didn't always know what to do. I think it was hard for him. ”

“Sounds tough,” Light acknowledged. He certainly wouldn't have known what to do with a child like that.

They arrived, the concrete buildings less than spectacular looking. They were rather plain, but inside the hotel was colorful and modern. They were greeted by friendly staff and shown to their room. It was spacious, with a large window overlooking the forest. The wooden outdoor patio was a thing of beauty. The carpet inside the room was a bright kind of  maroon  color. Not L's first choice in carpet color, but it worked, and the furniture matched it well.

Once they were settled, the two explored a bit, settling on the  little soba noodle restaurant off Pepper Street. With full bellies,  they decided to  window shop a bit before they headed to their wine tasting class.  There were several American tourists visiting with their young children. They were all dressed in bathing suits and looked like they had just finished swimming at the pool when they got hungry. Light smiled at them. He wanted children one day, and wondered if L did as well.  “L?” Light asked, interrupting L's gaze into the window of a sweets shop.

Looking up at Light, he grinned, “Yes?”

“Do you want kids one day?”

L felt caught off guard by the question but it didn't take him long to see where Light had gotten the idea to ask. His smile  faultered a bit. “I don't know.  To be honest, I didn't even believe I would have a relationship so I never thought beyond that.”

“Well, you do now.  I think you'd make a great dad .” Light stopped short of saying  _ “I want to have kids with you”  _ because they hadn’t even  exchanged 'I love  you’s ” yet. He didn't want to jump the gun and spook poor L. He had only just recovered from the whole pressure to have sex fiasco.

L nuzzled against Light's arm, “ You make me feel so good about myself, Light. ”  Looking up into stunning gold flecked eyes, L smiled sweetly. “I love you.”

_ Holy shit!  _ Light was not expecting that response. His smile widened and he couldn't help but kiss the lips that said such wonderful things. “I love you too.”

The happy couple made their way casually to the wine tasting room , where they were greeted by a  sommelier and brought to a wide, stunning wood table. In the center were an assortment of crackers, cheeses, olives and pickles.  Several bottles of wine lined the table, and L and Light were passed a paper and pencil with the different wines listed. They could do a white or red flight, or do a combined flight and taste all the wines. Light shrugged, “Might as well try them all.”

L nodded in agreement.  Soon they were accompanied by the Americans from earlier, sans the children. They were friendly and introduced themselves as Kate and Tom. Apparently they decided to take this family vacation as part of their tenth wedding anniversary. “Congratulations !” L said cheerfully.

The tasting started off with a history about the grapes and vineyards, and the first wine they tasted was very dry. L wasn’t a fan, but Light enjoyed it. The wines became less dry and more flavorful as they went, until they got to the dessert wines. L loved those, and wound up buying a bottle to enjoy later in the privacy of their room. Light purchased a white that was crisp and fruity.

A little tipsy from their adventure into wine, the two made their way back to their room, giggling playfully. Light gave L's butt a squeeze and he yelped and jumped as he laughed and swatted Light’s hand away. “What? It's a nice ass.” 

Once in their room, they each enjoyed a glass of wine on their outdoor patio,  sitt ing next to each other and admiring the scenery. L hadn't known that the dessert wines just happened to be quite high in alcohol content. The sweet flavor hid it very well, and by the time he was helping himself to a second glass, he was pretty much wasted.

“Hey babe, maybe we should order room service,” Light suggested as he watched L stumble into a chair and then giggle uncontrollably about it.

“Fabulous idea,” L slurred. “Let me freshen up in the bathroom first.”

Light noticed that L sounded more feminine in his drunken state.  Watari didn't allow L to take hormones, so sounding like a guy was something L had to practice. It seemed it went straight out the window when he was drunk.  The next thing Light knew, L was walking out of the bathroom with nothing but his oversized t-shirt on.  The bottom of his round bu t t cheeks peeked out of the bottom, and Light could easily see the outline of breasts and nipples poking through the fabric at his chest. Light gulped.  _ Holy shit!  _

“I was getting hot,” L said as he draped himself in the doorway. 

“Yeah, right,” Light couldn't look away. L was curvier than he initially thought.

“Will it turn you off to see my body?” L asked as he clumsily walked over, nearly spilling his wine.

“What? No. Why would it?”

“Because you're gay and I'm… a mess.”

“First of all I'm _ not _ gay. I'm pan. I think. At least that's my understanding and second of all you're fucking _ gorgeous  _ and it's all I can do to keep my hands off of you right now.”

“Then don't,” L said as he set his wine down on the side table and climbed into Light's lap. He slid his fingers through rust colored hair and kissed Light passionately.

Light couldn't  help but grab handfuls of that glorious ass  as L spread his legs until he was grinding against Light's obvious erection.  Light moaned into the kiss, trembling from the restraint, wanting nothing more than to rip L's shirt off and have his way with him. Instead he reached up and grabbed L's wrists, pushing him upright in his lap. “We need to stop, L.”

“Why? I want you. Don't you want me?” L pouted.

“Of course I do, but not like this. You're drunk. You'll regret this in the morning.”

“ No I won't,” L continued pouting but made no move to try and break from Light’s grasp.  “Ugh _ fuck me already!” _

Light was growing more annoyed by the second and failed to notice his increasing grip on L's wrists. “No.” He said it firmly and began to slide L off his lap and stand.

Once L was let go of, he sat on the floor and rubbed his sore wrists. Entirely put out and upset, he silently sniffled as Light walked inside to try and get a handle on himself. Light drank a glass of water and turned to check on L when there was a knock at the door. “Room service!”  Light answered and received the food, wheeling in the cart of delicious smelling entrees.

“L?” Light stepped back outside to find L had fallen asleep with his head against the seat of the chair. “You really _ are  _ a mess. A beautiful, wonderful mess,” Light whispered as he lifted L and carried him to bed.

Light corked the rest of L's wine and placed L's dinner in the fridge. He ate alone until he felt full and tired and carried himself to bed. L was snoring adorably in the bed, arms and legs all sprawled out across the mattress. Light pulled L to him and held him close. L's body was soft and wonderful and he smelled like wine and sugar.  Light wondered what L would feel and smell like when his body changed and he became more masculine. He fell asleep knowing he loved L just the way he was, but knowing he'd love any changes just as much.


	4. Sex!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short but sweet smut chapter. :D

The next morning was no fun for L, whose head was splitting. Light was kind enough to keep the curtains drawn and the lights low. He dropped aspirin and water on L's bedside table along with some crackers. L groaned and gagged but managed to keep the medicine down. L dozed for another hour and woke up to find he felt much, much better. Sitting up in bed, he rubbed his face and looked sheepishly over to Light. “I'm sorry about last night.”

“It's alright. When you're ready, let's do it sober, okay?”  Light said as he crawled over to give L a kiss. Stopping, he stared at L's wrists. “Baby, you're bruised.”

L lifted his other hand and noticed bruising on it as well, “I've always bruised so easily-“

Hit with the sudden realization of where the bruises came from, Light’s face fell. “Oh, L! I'm so sorry! I never meant to hurt you. I feel like such an ass.”

“It's okay, really. They don't hurt. ” L assured as he reached for Light's hand.

Light continued to make his way to L and pulled him into his arms and kissed his sweet face. “I still feel shitty.  I never meant to hurt you.”

L nuzzled into Light's chest, enjoying the slow, rhythmic thump of his heart. “I love you,” he whispered.

Light smiled and kissed messy black hair. “I love you too but you smell like a brewery.”

L laughed, “Yeah, I bet. Guess I'll hit the shower.”

Light swatted at L's exposed butt cheeks as he made his way to the bathroom. L giggled and jumped a little, covering his butt as he went. The shower was hot and refreshing, and L let the water wake him up and lessen the effects of the hangover. Once out of the shower, he reached for the towel and looked at himself in the large mirror as he dried his hair. For the first time in his life he wasn't entirely repulsed by what he saw. Hanging the towel back up, he took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping out of the bathroom and walking back toward the bed where Light was lounging.

Upon seeing L stark naked before him, Light gasped and sat straight up. Unable to speak or look away, Light simply gawked at L as he approached. Stopping at the side of the bed, L held his hands behind his back and smiled shyly. “Well?”

Light fumbled his words and L giggled at him. Finally, Light managed to say, “You're gorgeous.”

“You should kiss me,” L whispered as he leaned even closer.

Oh, Light was going to kiss him, alright! Light grabbed L and threw him on the bed, both of them laughing as Light pressed sweet kisses to L's mouth, chin, neck, and collarbone. L squirmed and panted, the foreign sensations feeling amazing.  L hissed and arched his back when Light began playing with one of L's nipples. His tongue flicked the hard, pink bud and his mouth engulfed it and sucked while his other hand squeezed and played with L's other breast. 

It felt so amazing that L momentarily wondered if he _shouldn't_ have his breasts removed after all. Would he lose sensation? Finding that out had to wait because right then Light was moving even further down his body and it was _insanely_ hot. L wasn't sure where he was expecting Light to go but it was both shocking and thrilling to feel his tongue lick between his legs and suck his clit. L screamed and gushed onto the bed as he came, fingers tangling in Light's hair and pulling on it as he threw his head back in dizzy, orgasmic pleasure. 

Light sat up and leaned over the bed, rummaging through his duffel bag. L was too busy panting and trying to come back down from his high to really care what Light was doing. He could hear the rustle of a wrapper and glanced up to see Light rolling a condom onto his erection. He hovered over L, supporting himself with both hands. L noticed for the first time that Light was also completely naked. He gulped and Light kissed him. “Are you ready?”

L nodded, all nerves and desire. Light was gentle,  pushing in just the tip of his penis as he cradled L's soft body against his own. “Ah!” L whimpered in pain, and Light stopped, studying L's face. 

“Are you alright?” Light asked as he brushed his fingers through dark hair over and over. L nodded, tears in his eyes. “ Relax baby. I'm here, I love you.”

L clung to Light's strong back as he eased his way inside L's virgin body.  It was difficult to hold back, but Light knew this needed to be good for L. Pretty soon the pain gave way to pleasure as L stretched around Light.  It wasn't long before Light picked up a steady rhythm, still careful not to  change his angle abruptly or move  too fast.

Sweat slicked skin slid together as Light  brought them both to the edge, his mouth and teeth exploring the pale skin beneath him.  “Ah, L, I'm almost there,”  Light struggled to say as he became rigid and burst inside the condom.  His hips stilled as he gasped through his orgasm, L following suit. Light looked down into grey eyes and thought he'd never seen anything shine so brightly before. “ I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Light slipped from L and made his way to the bathroom to clean up.  L laid quietly in all his glory , eyes closed as he relished in his first sexual experience.  Something told him it would only get better. When Light returned, all tan skin and lithe muscles, L felt as though he may melt into the arms that so lovingly wrapped around him. There would be no leaving the bed today as they napped , woke up, and made love again.


End file.
